Dr. Mahsan Ahmadi
Imagine you are on the subway or bus on your way to university or work. Suddenly, you think about checking that lipstick you hurriedly put on before leaving home. Or perhaps you want to make sure there is no trace of mustard around your mouth before starting a meeting with your boss; the same mustard that came with the hot dog you quickly had for lunch.
Do you have a mirror with you? I don’t think so. Your best option is probably the front-facing camera on your phone. You hold up your phone, open the camera, and look at yourself. Alright. Everything looks fine. You move the phone a little farther away and take another look at yourself. It is certainly nice when you like what you see. But if you are slightly unhappy with your appearance, a filter can probably make you feel a little better.
Click!
Now it is no longer just a simple glance at an image of your face. For a few seconds, you might start thinking: If only my nose were a little more defined, if only my eyelids were a little less droopy, if only my jawline were a little more prominent, maybe a few units of Botox for those forehead wrinkles wouldn’t be such a bad idea…
And this is where a simple selfie turns into a tool for evaluating our appearance, comparing ourselves with others, and even redefining what we like or dislike about our own faces.
Yes, this is one of the ways in which the image we see in the mirror, through our phone camera, and especially on social media can affect our self-confidence and the way we perceive our own appearance, and the desire to undergo a cosmetic procedure can sometimes emerge quietly and almost effortlessly. But is that necessarily a bad thing?
The reality is that people have always tried to change their appearance according to fashion, personal taste, and individual preferences. One person may dye their hair, another may work out, someone else may wear makeup, while another may decide to change the shape of their nose, lips, skin, or face. If exercise can help someone achieve the body shape they feel comfortable with, cosmetic procedures can also, for some people, be a way of getting closer to the appearance they have in mind. Besides, these days, even achieving an “ideal” body shape does not necessarily require spending hours at the gym every day! Of course, this option can be a little more expensive. Plastic surgeons, physicians, and aesthetic specialists are here to help; although at a price you may want to discuss with your bank account before making a decision!
But the main issue is not whether having a cosmetic procedure is good or bad.
The question is: who is making this decision for you?
You? Or the algorithm that places filtered faces and beauty standards in front of you every day?
You? Or the image you have developed of yourself after seeing hundreds of edited and filtered pictures on Instagram?
You? Or that comment someone made years ago about your nose, skin, weight, hair, or facial features that somehow still remains somewhere in the back of your mind?
This is where the concept of “personal choice” becomes important.
Cosmetic procedures, from Botox and fillers in different areas to rhinoplasty, eyelid surgery, lifting procedures, skin treatments, and other aesthetic interventions, can be entirely personal choices. No one can decide for another person whether they should change their appearance or should not do so.
But “personal choice” is different from “a choice made without adequate information”. If we are going to make a decision about our body and face, it is important to understand exactly what we are choosing. Informed consent is not simply about signing a consent form. Informed consent means that a person understands what is going to happen to their body, what the possible outcome may be, what the limitations are, what complications or side effects may occur, whether the result is temporary or permanent, what aftercare may be required, and, most importantly, understands that no cosmetic procedure can guarantee that all problems related to self-confidence or dissatisfaction with oneself will suddenly disappear afterward. Dermal fillers may change the shape of a particular area, but they are not meant to fix the way we feel about ourselves. Botox may reduce certain facial lines, but it cannot protect us from our concerns about aging. Rhinoplasty can change the shape of the nose, but it cannot guarantee that our entire perception of ourselves will suddenly change after surgery.
This distinction matters. Because sometimes we believe that the problem is located precisely in one particular part of our face or body, while some of our dissatisfaction may actually come from somewhere else; from comparison, social pressure, fear of judgment, natural changes in our bodies, or an unrealistic image that social media has presented to us.
Social media may stimulate our desire for cosmetic procedures, but it is certainly not the only factor involved. Personal taste, changes in that taste over time, culture, family, social relationships, financial circumstances, health conditions, medical limitations, and even previous experiences can all influence such decisions.
That is why, before deciding what we want to change about our appearance, it might be worth asking ourselves one simple question: If no one else could see this change, would I still want it?
If the answer is yes, we can then think consciously about the available options, their benefits, limitations, risks, and costs. But if the answer is because all my friends have done it, because everyone on Instagram looks like this, or because I am afraid other people will think I am unattractive, perhaps it would be worth waiting a little longer; not because we necessarily need to change our minds, but simply to make sure that the decision truly belongs to us.
Perhaps the most important point is that choosing not to have a cosmetic procedure is also a choice; just as having one is an individual’s right, choosing not to have one deserves the same respect. No one is obligated to change their appearance in order to look more beautiful, appear younger, follow a particular trend, or satisfy other people, and at the same time, no one should be judged for choosing to undergo a cosmetic procedure.
One person may not be happy with their nose and may decide to have rhinoplasty. Another person may have exactly the same facial feature and feel completely comfortable with it, choosing not to change anything. Both can be valid personal choices. What matters is that we do not confuse these choices with a person’s value.
A person’s worth does not depend on having flawless skin, a particular lip size, a certain nose shape, a wrinkle-free face, or a sharply defined jawline. Our face is only one part of who we are. We are so much more than what the front-facing camera on our phone can show us.
A camera may magnify the lines on our forehead, but it cannot capture our experience, knowledge, love, creativity, or all the years we have lived through to become the person we are today.
So, if one day we stand in front of a mirror or our phone camera and decide that we want to change something about our appearance, that decision should ideally come from a place of awareness; not from hatred toward ourselves.
We can say this part of my face is something I don’t like and I would like to change it. But perhaps we should never tell ourselves that until I change this part, I am not worthy.
Cosmetic procedures can be a choice, but our self-esteem and our sense of worth should never be conditional upon any of them.
So, the next time you lift your phone to check your lipstick, take a few extra seconds to look at yourself. If you like what you see, enjoy it. If there is something you do not like, you can think about changing it. Just before making a decision, ask yourself one more question:
Is this really my choice?
If the answer is yes, then it is time to make a decision with adequate information, a qualified and trustworthy physician, an understanding of the benefits and risks, and realistic expectations about the possible outcome. Because ultimately, the decision about your body should belong to you; informed, freely made, and without pressure.
And if you decide not to do anything, that is perfectly okay. That face you leave the subway with every day, take to work, laugh with, cry with, fall in love with, live with, and create memories with is already valuable enough, just as it is.
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